Friday, December 12, 2008

Focus Trek Day 4

I love Sonic Breakfast! Nothing like a nice toaster sandwhich and a delicious ocean water from Sonic to get the day started. Well, here comes change number 27 to the trip manifest. We're NOT going to stop in Oklahoma City. We're just gonna push on through to Fort Smith, Arkansas so that we can have more time with Brandy's son Logan. So instead of 7 hours on the road today it's gonna be somewhere around 9 and a half to include the states of New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, and Arkansas and about 523 miles COMPLETELY on interstate 40 which is interesting just cuz it this entire trip pretty much has followed along the old historic route 66 where if you remember from yesterday, Probation couldn't piss, but did pull out his junk. THe only downside to today's trek is that it's BORING!!! OH HOLY SHIT ON A SHINGLE IS IT BORING! The west coast is full of interesting sites, the east coast is full of interesting sites. Even the MIDWEST is full of some interesting sites. but from the Rockie Mountains to about Illinois there's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! The most fun we had was after we crossed the texas state border we saw a bunch of texas highway patrol and Texas Ranger patrol cars roving around pulling people over left and right, which we refered to each and everyone as "Chuck Norris". THis did put a little thorn in the side of our average 85 mph throughout this entire trip, but in the spirit of things Probation and I decided to start sharing Chuck Norris facts over our radios. If by some reason you've been living under a rock for the last decade and you're unfamiliar with what particular types of Chuck Norris facts I'm speaking of, allow me to share a few of my favorites...let's see...
1. Chuck Norris does not wear Superman pajamas...Superman wears Chuck Norris Pajamas
2. When the boogie man goes to sleep at night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
3. Chuck Norris once at a Rubick's Cube and pooped it out solved
4. Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he actually pushes the Earth down
5. Chuck Norris is suing NBC because he claims that Law and Order are trademark names for his left and right legs.
So anyways...well that's about it...that's really all I have to talk about today...other than 500 miles of nothing!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Focus Trek Day 3

So we wake up in Flagstaff and decide to go next door to Denny's for breakfast. While sitting there my phone rang and a message was left. It was from the Hotel we had just left saying that the maid found a bear in our room and brought it to the front desk. Said bear, was Brandy's teddy bear named Baby, (two and half year old, born in Dubai, UAE.) Apparently she had been wrapped up in the blanket and neither of us noticed she was missing. Brandy sent bobby with the car back to the hotel to get her. Brandy said that regardless of how far we had gone we would have turned around to go get her. I'm sure I would have. She's had Baby the entire time we've been together (since I bought it for her in Dubai on first cruise) and would just not be the same without her. And K-Rots (who is the bear that Brandy got me that same year after cruise was over in San Diego would just never be himself. He's gone with me everywhere. Yes that means on cruise on the boat as well as to Iraq with me. He has more medals than my bubbleheaded submariner older brother.) But we got her and continued on our way. Change number 11 to our trip, we decided that Grand Canyon was too far out of the way to go BACK an hour and then pass through Flagstaff again. So our first stop was Meteor Crater, Arizona which was a six story deep, one mile wide meteorite crater. It was quite a sight to see. We took a mile hike around the rim of the crater with a tour guide. Bobbys only comment on the entire thing was "Hey the snow looks like dippin dots" Wow bobby we're standing one of the oldest best preserved spots where a 150 foot long piece of 92% Iron 7% nickel 1% trace element rock flew from somewhere between Mars and Jupiter and struck our planet resulting in a blast equivilent to 20 megatons of TNT and your only comment was "Hey...the SNOW looks like DIPPIN DOTS?!" Well after a little gift shopping we continued on towards the petrified forrest. Along the way I called our PODS to tell them to make sure our POD was at our apartment on the 19th when we get there. They told us when we put our stuff in storage to give them 7 days and today they told me it would take 16 days because of the holidays and it would arrive on the 26th...um no that's not good enough. After speaking with this lady's supervisor the BEST he could do was get it there on the 22nd, which is the day that Brandy checks into her command, so it looks like I'll be unloading the 16X8 foot storage compartment by myself. And we'll be in our apartment for three days with NOTHING inside of it, but at least it's not over Christmas. The Petrified Forrest wasn't exactly what I had expected. I actually expected it to be much more forrest like. Probation gave me a geology lesson of what petrified wood was over the radio. WOw nice Bill Nye the Science Guy! Well then I found out he just recited what he had read off a display in the meteor crater gift shop. There were some pretty nice views and then near the end there was a small monument at an old turn off which was the Original Route 66...all that's left now is the powerline poles that follow where the old road used to be. Bobby proceded to piss on Route 66. Well he tried to...he got stage fright, but he at least whipped out his junk on route 66. We continued on to Albuquerque and found, right across the street, the most beautiful sight we've seen yet. It was amazing, so incredible, so rare, so delicious.....A SONIC!!! HOOYAH BREAKFAST! More tomorrow...

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Focus Trek Day 2

Focus Trek Day 2

So we began this morning a little slow. I was the first to wake upand get up and showered and then Princess and Probation bringing upthe rear. I finished and posted yesterdays blog and emailed everyoneto send them the link and Probation decided to START his OWN blog.But eventually we did get back on the road again but first it was timefor breakfast. It was about 0930 and we found the Denny's on thestrip that we decided to stop at. We walked through some randomcasino room full of slot machines with little old ladies alreadysmoking and drinking at 0930 developing arthritis in their shouldersfrom pulling the levers over and over watching their penny's slipaway. When we finally found the denny's we realized everyone else inVegas, who wasn't a slot addicted old lady, had the SAME thought wedid. So we resorted to McDonalds which was right next door. Not thewonderful breakfast we wanted but at least we got back on the road andoff the strip by 1000ish. Princess decided to pilot 2008 again withProbation behind the stick of 2003 again with his RO PinkPeng stillspinning the hits of the 80's, 90's and today and his trusty laptop.Our first destination was the Hoover Dam. What a modern marvel and atestiment to the effects of our planet as you see the distance thewater level has fallen since the 1930's (sorry that's my Al Goremoment of the day, I have to say things like that since Al Goreinvented the internet and is probably monitoring it for people whodon't believe in global warming being the root of all evil, pleasedon't kill me Mr. Gore) Anyways...as we took pictures and visited theDam Gift Shop to get Dam Shot Glasses and Dam t-shirts, Princess and Iwere awed by the height and magnificence of the structure, andProbation, who is an Apprentice Electrician and member of theInternational Brotherhood of Electrical Workers, was only interestedin the transformers and how much electricity is produced daily blahblah blah and inspecting the welds on conduits and stuff, not tomention the other of us wondering how many questions the tour guidesget about Megatron and the Allspark being held inside the Hoover Damsince the opening of the Transformers Movie. About an hour and onetime zone change later and we were headed toward Flagstaff, Arizonaand the Grand Canyon, which is a place I never did get to see on mytrip from Virginia Beach to San Diego in 2005. We drove through someof the most boring open land while Probation and I discussed over ourradios the posibility of taking that open land and building a citywhich would bring thousands of jobs and new homes and so many otherthings to a rather desolate area. If it worked for Vegas way back inthe day I don't see why they couldn't do it again. Well it got darkright as we were right at the junction of either continuing toFlagstaff or heading another hour to the grand canyon so we opted toskip it and head for the hotel to drink some let Princess take somenyquil for her head cold, and relax a bit. Well we had already JUSTstarted to head for GC when we decided to go to the hotel so we had to"FOx a BRAVO", but when Princess plugged in the destination into NUVIthe talking GPS, (you guessed it...her GPS is Pink too!) it told us toturn left ahead so we did and it took us through the woods ok lets seewhere it pops out. Well 1/2 mile into it at the end it took us to acircle and NUVI told us to go around that circle and then head backout the way we came. That was it's way of telling us to turn around.NUVI...you're fired!" Well we got the hotel and turned the TV on, andguess what was on...TRANSFORMERS! What a coincidence. Everyone wasexcited when the Hoover Dam scene came around and we could point towhere we were standing. Well after a few drinks and a really cheeseyDisney Channel movie it's time to recharge the old batteries.Tomorrow we're gonna try to hit the grand canyon and the petrifiedforrest and land in Albuquerque, New Mexico. We'll see how that goes...

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Focus Trek Day 1

Focus Trek… the final frontier! These are the voyages of the 08 and 03 Ford Foci (plural form of Focus). Our continuing mission to seek out new commands and new civilian life styles… to boldly go where few sailors have gone before!

Captains Log date December 8th 2008. This is day one of our coast to coast adventure from San Diego to Washington D.C. The silver Focus sidenumber 2008 is being piloted by Brandy Crossno (callsign “Princess”) with RO (Radar Operator…well GPS operator) Christopher Gronde (callsign “Foamy”). The Blue Focus sidenumber 2003 is being piloted by Bobby Gronde (callsign “Probation”) with RO a Pink Penguin Princess got in Busan, Korea (callsign PinkPeng). PinkPeng is operating Probation’s laptop as entertainment since the radio antenna is broken. He’ll be sure to bring that up with the AM’s when we get back. According to Probation, PinkPeng seems to quite the stereotypical Korean since all that seems to be playing on his laptop is Techno music. Well, like everything that I’ve ever done, this adventure had to begin as painfully as possible. The morning began with a fight with the Personnel and Disbursing offices on USS Ronald Reagan who, like usual, refuses to help anyone that isn’t a master chief (thanks again ETCM for your assistance). It’s the day of our transfer and Disbursing has not paid us for our move yet and they had NO paperwork saying they NEEDED to pay ME at all. But after a two hour battle and a lot of strong-arming from ETCM, we should get paid in 48 hours. Then came issue number two. We still have a 5x5 storage compartment that we were going to get a trailer from UHAUL and tow behind the 08 focus, but when we reserved the trailer they didn’t reserve the HITCH we ordered. Then they found a hitch that was an HOUR away that they wanted US to go get and bring back so they could WELD it to Brandy’s focus. Uh…yeah you can eat a dick if you think you’re gonna WELD it cuz you can’t find the right hardware….so we went to the storage shed and with some expert TETRISing from Bobby (my brother), Brandy, and I; we fit all the Christmas stuff and some other important stuff into the car (we will be back to get the rest) and started our trip at about 1420 Pacific time and headed for our first stop... the Sin City! This will be Brandy’s second time there (she doesn’t remember much of her first since she was so sloshed [YES I DO! IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY, SO I WAS PERFECTLY ALLOWED TO BE SLIGHTLY INEBRIATED… BUT I REMEMBER IT ALL!!]), my third time and bobby’s first but he isn’t 21 yet, so won’t be TOO much of a good time. We’ll see what Vegas brings when we get there.

After five hours of driving and Princess Rocking out to Styx “Too Much Time on my Hands”, my Snoop Dogg “Ain’t Nothin but a G Thang” rendition, and us both rocking out and singing along to Whitney Houston’s “I’ve got Nothing” we made it to Las Vegas, Nevada. Our hotel destination is the Excalibur, which is one that I haven’t stayed at yet. The rooms are rather nice. Not as good as the Mirage but better than the Plaza which are the other two that I stayed at. Poor Princess has some type of a head cold so she can’t breathe… between that and her opting to pilot for the first day, so she was a little cranky and we were all hungry so it was time for food. After one absolutely crazy fast $20 cab ride later we were at the Nascar CafĂ© in the Sahara, but when we got there they were already closed, so I decided to go to Planet Hollywood since I know they’re open until at least 2300. When we got there we sat down and ordered our favorite drinks. Princess and I got “Gorillas in the Mist” (which is basically Khalua and banana liquor) and Probation got a coke. Waiter didn’t even card us. Well the drinks took a while and then after they got here and we ordered the waiter came back and said “hey the bartender screwed up and made two extra would you like them on the house? Seriously? You’re asking two sailors if we would like free drinks? Put ‘em down! Well after we started eating and I boy was I enjoying my L.A. Lasagna (one of the best things they make), the waiter came back and said hey I’m not trying to get you guys drunk or anything but the bartender made this blue lagoon for no reason. At which point he handed it straight to Probation. He looked at me, I looked at him. And then he began to drink it. So the night was saved by free drinks. And GUARANTEED the waiter got a good tip! We later went back to the hotel and grabbed the 1 gallon jug of distilled water that is now Pishy's (Princesses Pink beta fish that she had on the ship throughout deployment) temporary travel home) out of the car to bring inside and looked at mapquest and realized that the next days “mission plan” to go all the way to Albuquerque was 11 hours and a little too much driving, so we changed some things around and decided instead of going through Four Corners we’d hit Hoover Dam, Grand Canyon, and then stay the night in Flagstaff. Stay Tuned to see what happens tomorrow….

If you have Yahoo Messenger feel free to IM us on my phone at screenname “NvyGuardsman” or “nvybaby82” to get live updates on our trip….